You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
