called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
