I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
