Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize