My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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