I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize