You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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