Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
