I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
