I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
