he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize