I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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