his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
