absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
