You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
