Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
