guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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