its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
