I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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