the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
