I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
