The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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