He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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