He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
