I'm eating all of the evidence.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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