11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
