As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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