Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
