The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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