You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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