My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm both gender and math confused
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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