Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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