I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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