Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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