I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
