Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
