I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
