how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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