i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
