So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
