So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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