you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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