forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
