my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
