giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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