i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
