The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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