U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
