In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
