You can't motorboat a personality
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
