well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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