Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
wow bdsm is so cute
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
