please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
