we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
