Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
