her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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