..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
