the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
