Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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