Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
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