just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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