i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
