Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
