I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
