Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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