Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
