he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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