And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
