I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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