An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
